Love yourself first

As I promised in my last article about the topic “Relationship goals” I would like to go more into the topic of “Self-love” this time. As we talked about my journey and our struggles and what you can do to avoid these things in a matter of doing the right thing. I wouldn’t say there is a right or wrong way in a relationship as I said in the last article the most important thing is talking to each other.


How do you handle struggle in your relationship?

A few times I talked about Love to yourself and your inner child. That’s an important topic as this matters to all of us. The last book I was reading about this topic on the inner child was part of it as well. The name of the book is “The Child within you must find a home”.

Really good book, I can really recommend this to you if you have self-doubts and problems with your belief system. But you should know, that it is not only a book to read – you must work with that book.

How balancing our deeply rooted needs will solve almost any problem

So, what has this to do, with the topic of my last article about Relationship goals. As my spouse and I had so much trouble I couldn’t get close to him anymore. But this had nothing to do with him, which I understand now. This was because I didn’t feel enough self-love and I didn’t take things I did with success as good enough for myself. Therefore, I needed to start working with my inner child to heal my relationship.

As you can see, it has a lot to do with it. You need to start loving yourself for the person you are. It doesn’t matter what were your path and what you did or didn’t do. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t love everyone else. Lots of people struggle with that, but they don’t want to face the fact that they must work on their inner child.

Every person wants to be accepted and loved. Ideally, during childhood, we develop the necessary sense of trust and self-confidence that will help us through life as adults. But the traumas that we also experienced in childhood unconsciously shape and determine our entire relationship life.

Does this make any sense to you?

A lot of these sentences come from your belief system and the way you were growing up. But there is also different between the belief system and the core belief system. Everyone from us has this kind of “core belief system”, but we don’t face it until we are in a situation where we don’t have any other option.

It’s the same with our health, did you know that anxiety and depression has something to do with your sleeping pattern? I didn’t as a few days ago I was listening to wellbeing in a good podcast from Brendan Burchard. There are people they say 4 hours of sleep is enough for them and they don’t need this 7-8 hour of sleep. Might work for them – but not for me. I need my 7-8 hour of sleep as I need to be ready for the next day.

What about you? Did you think about your sleeping pattern?

I use my Fitbit to track my sleep, there are so many possibilities for how you can track your sleep even with apps and just your mobile phone.
It is also very important that your room is dark and there is no light coming into your bedroom by night as your mind can only sleep when there will be no distraction. Even the smallest light. As I am used to it to have this little small light on. Same with the candles, it might be nice and great to relax but not when you should sleep. But, now let’s go back to the belief system.

What beliefs did you hear from your parents, which are still in your mind?

I think every one of us heard the sentence “don’t talk to strangers”. I know what they mean by that and even as a kid you really have to be careful. I guess this won’t change any time soon. But wouldn’t it be more helpful to give the kids a positive belief system as they will take it into there relationships and friendships. What if our parents would have said, look if you don’t know a person and they will start to talk to you on the street or want to sell you something, Just say NO, thank you. Instead of saying “Don’t talk to a stranger on the street”

When I had to go and talk to people on the street about my Business, I was scared. I just couldn’t do it. Even if we just had to give a compliment to someone on the street. We are scared and think about what the other person will think of us. That’s stupid… Listen, every one of us is happy to hear a compliment and even if it’s just a thank you.

Are you really scared about what other people could think of you?

I was… and I always tried to be like the other kids in school or like society wants it.
But is this how you would like to live your life and what about your kids?

I don’t want this for my kids, as I want to show them that they can be the person, they want to be. Important is, that they are connected to themselves. Self-love is so important as we want love anyone else before we even start with ourselve.

Start to love you as you are amazing and wonderful.

Stephanie Ilona

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