After revealing in the last blog post about my pregnancy, I want to talk about the feelings, and what you can do about it.
My Story begins right here
When finding out at the beginning of June that I am going to be a Mom, everything changed for me. It wasn’t like that I felt happy or excited. I was feeling miserable. That’s where I must be honest with you about it.
My body – my goals – my plans.
I didn’t know how to react to seeing a positive pregnancy test. And the first question which came into my mind was “How could that happen?”. I mean I know how it happened. But I plan everything in my life, even my day.
Girls, you can’t plan every little step in your life.
I know… I know. Some of you are the same as me. But I had to realize that it isn’t possible to plan everything, and it wouldn’t make you happy either. Life is like a rollercoaster, but the image you would already know, what is going to happen in 2 weeks or 1 year. Wouldn’t it be boring? There you see… It would be.
How am I going to tell it, my partner?
I was afraid, to tell him about it. Why? As I didn’t even know how he will react or if he is going to leave me and hate me. That’s what fear makes us feel as we send those feelings to our unconscious mind. How you can avoid it? Honestly, at this moment, I didn’t know how to avoid it. But I knew I have the tools to work on it. It’s called the Reality Loop. Be excited as this is a great tool.
As I am a person who is planning everything in my life, I was crying a lot in the first few weeks. This was the beginning when I was realizing what changes will come to my (body, relationship, friends, traveling…). I always worked out and even changed my eating habits completely. The first time ever I reached a goal for my body and the same time for my soul to feel better with myself. Those feelings are totally normal, girls. Therefore, let’s help others with our experience and the tools we have.
As I promised I would like to tell you more about the “Reality Loop”. First time I have heard about it when I was going to an Event about Hypnotherapy. It is a simple tool as all that you need you have already inside you. This means it simply starts with a belief system.
Everything you might have been through – good or bad you created a belief system for yourself. The second square is our Imagination. This comes from the belief system you have. For example, when your parents told you “Money is not going to make you happy.” Imagination always bring is back to this belief system.
As if you think you are poor, you act like a poor person. But if you change your mind and think, you are rich in all the things you have, you will act like it. It is that simple. The third square is Physiology. Here you have all the things you created in your belief system and with the imagination, it comes to a certain outcome. The last square includes all the experiences.
Therefore, I always say: If you start to shift your belief system to a positive system, you will create a belief system that makes you happy.
Why did I choose to speak about this topic now?
I wanted to share my journey from the beginning until now and even when my little baby is born. Sharing my story and all the ups and downs and tips I can give, is helping me and I would love to help others to get inspired. Currently, I am 32 weeks, that’s when I’ve started to write this blog post.
Tips for the beginning
First, do not panic. This is a big change for you, I know. If you haven’t planned to be pregnant and being a Mom resp. Parent yet, it will be all good. Talk to someone you trust. Make sure you are talking to your partner, including the feelings and thoughts you have. If you feel more comfortable talking to a friend first, then do so. As this was all new for me, I called a few of my closest friends. I was asking for advice and what I have to do next. Don’t be scared, everything will be fine.
Did my friends give me the right advice? Honestly, there isn’t a right or wrong. You can listen to them and ask them, what they would do, but in the end, everything you do – matters. I knew I have to talk to my partner. If I felt confident enough? No, I didn’t. As I don’t even know what changes are coming. I mean at a certain point we know that is going to happen, but it was just too early for myself. I am lucky, that this isn’t a problem for us as we take it as a challenge which will bring you to the next level in our relationship.
What about talking to your family?
Most of you know that the relationship between me and my family is broken. Therefore, I didn’t feel like sharing such big news with them. It took me a long time to find a way to accept the relationship I have with my family. Since my grandma died, it’s around 2 years, there is no contact or anything else between us. We did not always say good things in the past about each other, but this is something each of us did wrong and not the only person. I had a good childhood, and my Mom was always trying to have the life we are supposed to have a safe place and a loving environment.
Finally, I am ok with it. Therefore, if you have a certain past with your Mom or Family, now is the time to make finally peace with it. And it is your decision, how you decide to make peace with it.
From Family back to Friends
As coming back to my friends, I was talking to all the girls I knew they are already a Mom. With all the great stories they have been telling me, they made me laugh. The conclusion of all the conversations I had with my friends is that all of them said the same and this made me feel hope. Because as I said before, all that matters now is you.
How did it go?
After talking to my friends, I texted my partner and ask for a call in the evening. And this was a good decision.
Therefore, if you must cry during your call then cry. Important is that you tell him, how you feel. I did the same, as I started crying as soon as I showed him the positive pregnancy test. The reaction of him was great. I didn’t expect this at all.
Don’t try to be strong, let your emotions come through. This is something big in your life. The reactions will be different from couple to couple as often you see and hear how couples are planning to fulfill their dream to have a family. Never forget that all of it is a challenge and not a problem.
When did my feelings change?
I remember the exact moment, as it was during our first few screenings. I was looking at him and saw how big he was smiling. The moment was special as I knew, all will be good. Since them, I love to hear about the plans, what he wants to teach our little baby as of our first trip together to Dublin. This makes me feel happy as I know what a great Daddy he will be.
If my partner has doubts?
Yes, he has and that’s ok. Like every Dad has. When you are going to be a Dad for the first time or a Mom for the first time, you do have those thoughts. Be patient with yourself, as everything is new for you. Sometimes not often, you do find out that it has something to do with your own childhood. Maybe your parents got divorced in your childhood and you thought it is because of you. Often, as a little child, you think like that, because not always is it easy to handle this for a parent.
Most divorces always include the kids. As not every divorce is going to be fine in the end. I remember that my parents were fighting about custody. Sad but that’s how it can work sometimes.
Coming back to my partner as I wanted to say, that he is already a Dad and has a child. Therefore, it is a little different in our case. I mean, he told me about it when we started dating, which was fine for me. The part, which is now different for him, is that he will be there for our little baby from the very beginning. He saw the changes to my growing belly and the feelings he is going to have each time when he comes with me to the doctor. A little later, I will tell you more about the Hypnobirthing course we were choosing for our birth preparation.
How you can work together from the very beginning?
Here I would like to give you some advice, from my experience and hope you can learn from it. I also looking forward to hearing from you. Maybe you currently reading this, and you are already a first time Mom. Would love to have your thoughts about it.
From the very beginning, talk about all the thoughts and fears you both have. Try to understand each other and work something out which makes it easier for both of you. Something I currently enjoying is when we take our time to have a nice walk at the place we were choosing to give birth. This is good for you and your partner too. Then, choose the right birth class and the good books you are going to enjoy. And now let’s talk about the Hypnobirthing course we have chosen for us.
What is Hypnobirthing?
First time when I heard about it when a friend of ours was pregnant for the first time. After telling her that we are going to be parents, she gave us the books, she was reading. One of the topics included was about Hypnobirthing. She recommended the book to us, as she had the experience, she wanted to have in giving birth to her first child. It was in a safe environment with the right birthing partner and it was a natural birth. Therefore, I’ve decided to give it a try. When I was starting to read the book for the first time, I good impressed and enjoyed it a lot. Quick, I’ve finished the book and gave it to my partner, as we already made the decision to do this Hypnobirthing class.
What is the difference between a normal birthing class?
The great thing at the Hypnobirthing class is, that you can do it with your partner as he is and will be a part of the birth. The normal birthing class includes one evening, where your partner can be joining if he wants.
Secondly, I’ve enjoyed the exercises we’ve learned together, for example about the breathing, the meditation, and the massage. As we were the only couple in taking the course, we had a lot of time asking all the questions we had in our minds. I mean we had a lot of questions about everything. As we both already did a Hypnotherapy education, we did already had some benefits about the Hypnoses and it was a practice for both of us, to improve certain things. Hypnobirthing is not only the course itself and the exercises you learn, it is about the words you use during the birth and which words will help you as a Mom to feel safe.
Often, we get scared of the news or movies about giving birth that we can’t relax the way to learn it in having the birth we were wishing for. In the movies, it even looks easy or it looks so scary that you wish never in having a baby.
What I’ve learned for myself?
I know that all of it can be scary but don’t forget as I said before, this isn’t a problem, it is a challenge. And you know with the right mind and the partner on your side, there is no reason to be afraid of. “We are made for giving birth.”
The doctors and all this medical stuff are scaring us with things, which might not even happen. Therefore, I would really like to recommend the book about Hypnobirthing, even if you are not a first time Mom.
Let’s finally come to an end, of my article.
In the book, you will find the story about Hypnobirthing and different kinds of exercises to prepare you and your partner for the birth of your child. The breathing exercises are great. I am using them every day in the morning and in the evening with some nice meditation music in the background.
There are three different exercises for your breathing during your birth and if you keep practicing them until the day when your baby is ready, you get to have a natural and safe birth. This is something your child and you will always remember. A great benefit is the CD in the book. It includes a meditation practice to help you to get ready for birth and ready to be parents. I really enjoyed writing this article and sharing some great experiences with you.
If you want to know more about Hypnobirthing you can ask me, and I can send you more information about it.
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